the inevitable messiness of life…

Yesterday I received an email that warmed my heart.
Yesterday I also received news that hurt my heart.
Today I find myself in front of the keyboard literally deciding where my energy lies.

I’ve long been a believer in the parable of the blind men and the elephant. Indeed we can ‘see’ only tiny parts of this big messy thing called life, and the whole is so much greater than even the parts to which all of us together can bear witness. The tragedy only in that hubris that leaves us believing that what we can ‘see’ is all there is.

But when you’re holding the tail, or worse, it’s hard not to be disillusioned by the stench.

Because my life is in a relatively stable time and the blessings truly are astounding, it’s a good time to practice better posture when holding the tail. Into every life a little rain will fail and in some seasons of life the monsoon is relentless. While I am feeling the sprinkles, it’s a good time to consider how best to navigate when wet.

Things I’ve learned: When I’m slouched it feels heavier, when my shoulders are hunched in disdain my neck begins to ache. I choose whether to breathe with my mouth open or closed, I choose whether to perseverate on the discomfort of my position or to listen to my friend describe another view. Although denying the reality of the tail experience isn’t helpful, neither is obsession upon the negative experience.

So I am holding two subjects and looking at one screen. Which will capture my attention? Here I practice.

Yesterday I watched my son navigate a difficult situation with grace, and watched him see the reward. Brilliant. It was also just yesterday that my daughter made a Facebook post that demonstrated an important insight calling for justice. Proud Mama! My beloved held me accountable and also close. I am loved. These things I cherish.

The note that I received that warmed my heart yesterday was a simple one. A friend from church that has been gone for several years, just checking in… waving. Reminding me that what we do and are in relationship with each other and this world really matter. In fact these interactions matter more than any program I plan or prose I pen. A quick email can turn the world around, one weary saint at a time.

Today the leaves blanket the ground in a wet slobbery mess. I am reminded of the St. Bernard dog that lived next door to us in my childhood home, who bounded to greet us with slobbery kisses. I wonder if these leaves are a slobbery kiss from an awesome universe? I’m dodging the kiss, but suspect that if (when?) I succumb, all will be well again.