I have seen the enemy… in me.

I have seen the enemy, it is me.

Indirectly but essentially these words are the heart of the 11th step in the “12 steps to a compassionate life” (Karen Armstrong): Recognition. As we move through the 11th month of the year and learn about the 11th step of compassion, we are learning to recognize that ourselves in both neighbor and foe.

Whether plural or singular in pronoun, the sentiment of Pogo (circa 1950) is timeless and telling. In a painful twist of irony, it is the devil most abhorrent within that we see in those with whom we tangle.

Drawn to drama as a moth to light, and yet unaware of my own instinct, I found myself deeply offended and unable to work with a colleague who received each twist of life in crisis mode. Indeed when I take the time to examine my frustration with another, invariably I find some distasteful trait of self glaring back at me from the other. And worse, when I try to root out the offense in the other, my own grows as if filling the space vacated. In short, the more I focus on the negative in others the more it grows in me.

The reasons are pretty simple, at the end of the day we are not so different. We speak different languages, but we all struggle to find words to talk about the important stuff. We eat different foods, but we all experience the sacred when gathered around tables with food to share. We yearn for independence, but find nurture in safe vulnerability. We humans are much more alike than we would like to admit.

If we begin to recognize our oneness, we discover an unexpected avenue of healing, another twist of irony if you will. When someone is making me nuts, if I avoid the instinct to push back and instead take the time to understand the buttons inside me that are being pushed, I am often able to see both of us in a more compassionate light. In fact what began as an assault to my serenity can become, if I am able and willing to do my own inventory, a remarkable gift of healing.

Clearly a key piece for interpersonal relations, I wonder if this same principle works for nation states as well? Although it is fascinating and self gratifying to dissect why nation-x does behavior-y, but more important to understand would be why behavior-y is troubling us. What is it in our cultural well being that feels rattled by the choices of those around the globe? Pride? Security? If we understand what is pushed, we can look at a wider array of healing balms. Perhaps the key to economic security isn’t taking oil from Libya but rather facing the multinational interests closer to home. But as long as we are focused over there, we will never address what is right here.

When we understand our own wants and needs, fears and dreams, shadow selves and best instincts, we are more likely to be compassionate with others… both individually and as communities.

“Traces of nobility, gentleness and courage persist in all people, do what we will to stamp out the trend. So, too, do those characteristics which are ugly. … There is no need to sally forth, for it remains true that those things which make us human are, curiously enough, always close at hand. Resolve then, that on this very ground, with small flags waving and tinny blast on tiny trumpets, we shall meet the enemy, and not only may he be ours, he may be us. Forward!” (Walt Kelly, June 1953)